dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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