can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
