So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm at about main and main street
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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