I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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