I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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