I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
