but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
