I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
