he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
