According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
