I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
