No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
