did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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