You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
