I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
