Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
