The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i now understand why vodka
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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