well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
