i need an iv and a liver transplant
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
