Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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