I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
