I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
