Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
