I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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