FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
