dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
