Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
