Will you blow on my dice?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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