Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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