she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
