thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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