Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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