wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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