from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
