He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
