My room smells like vodka and shame
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You are the jesus of drinking
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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