You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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