i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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