God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
