I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
