the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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