I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
