I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
