How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
