Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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