why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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