Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
