I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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