Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
