my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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