I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
