No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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